Stubborn meaning that her little head is still snugly lodged right up under my ribs and her butt still hanging out by my cervix. So that's that. I had the ultrasound yesterday to confirm and while that was a bummer to hear, I wasn't completely surprised by it. At this point it would be incredibly obvious if she were to turn her entire body upside down, and I never felt any crazy movements.
I don't think I posted it on here, but Brad and I decided to take a more "hands off" approach. I had made an appointment with a chiropractor that specialized in the Webster technique (helps babies to turn), had spent a couple days doing nutty Spinning Babies positions, sat with a bag of frozen fruit on the top of my belly (which funnily enough did cause her head to move to the side of my belly). But after having a talk with Brad about it, he suggested that we just leave it up to her to decide if she wanted to turn, and to trust God to turn her if that was the right thing.
I honestly felt SO much peace in that. Yes, it meant that very likely I would be stuck with having a
C-Section. But on the other hand, when I was doing all these goofy things to get her to turn I always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, what if she's in that position for a reason? What are you messing with by trying to get her to turn?
So I left it alone and yesterday found out that she was still in the same position, so this coming Monday I'll be meeting with my doctor to schedule the C-Section and go over the million questions I have.
I'm not excited about having a C-Section, not at all. But I don't feel afraid, either, and I'm thankful for that. Part of me LOVES, LOVES, LOVES that there's no surprises involved here and that I get to choose her birthday! And then the other part of me obviously worries for how it will all go. Mainly, will I be too put out from the surgery to take care of her once we get her home? That's probably my biggest fear right now.
I've had the thought cross my mind, if I can't hold her right away is that going to affect our bond forever? I've heard a number of women tell me that. But if I let myself be fearful of that then I start becoming fearful and upset about having to birth her this way, and I don't get a choice in the matter - she HAS to come out this way if she's breech. And I'm also choosing to trust that God knows that I already love this baby more than anything and that a bond can't be made or broken by who gets to hold her first. I have absolutely every intention of being selfish and begging my doctor to let me hold her right after the delivery but if Brad gets to hold her first, then I will just be thankful that we've got this healthy baby here that I got the privilege of carrying for 10 months, and it's okay that he gets to have her in his arms first! I just don't believe that you can literally support a baby's life inside of you for almost a year and then not be bonded to that baby cause you didn't hold it right away.
I've learned that pregnancy really comes down to your attitude. I'm not saying that I've had the perfect attitude about things because God knows I have complained a TON about this or that. But I can truly say that I never took a thing for granted with this pregnancy because I've always remembered the women that try for years and years and years to get pregnant and they can't. Those women would deliver upside down in a tree with someone cutting their belly with a butter knife if it meant they could have a baby! And so for whatever reason, even though I never struggled with infertility, I always was able to keep the thought at the front of my mind that the END GOAL was always this baby girl. Just her. It was never the perfect pregnancy, or gaining only 35lbs (which I'm well above that, ha), or having any kind of delivery a certain way. It's always been to bring this baby home safe and healthy.
So on that note, I found out yesterday that she's a healthy and robust 6lbs, 12oz, give or take a pound. Who knows how true that is but I'm excited to see what she comes out weighing! She's measuring perfectly and her growth was perfect across the board. Breech or head-down...that was all I needed to hear!