My new normal (and some pictures!)

I'm sitting here pumping right now with Hadley in her little Fisher Price Rock N Play Bouncer at my feet.  I think all I've managed to accomplish today was getting dressed, putting on some makeup, loading the dishwasher and running to WalMart for a few necessities.  And that's a REALLY productive day for me, FYI!  

Our new normal is something like this....wake up around 6-7am and Brad does a feeding with her while I try to get in a little bit of uninterrupted sleep.  Once he leaves I "do a naughty" and put her in bed with me and we sleep for a few more hours - sometimes it's til 9, the other day I woke up at 9, did a feeding and a pump and we went back to bed til noon!  We wake up and make our way to the living room, AKA Baby Land, and usually settle in for another feeding, which usually leads me to another pumping session (at the time we're doing breastmilk and formula, it's a long story that can be condensed to say that my milk took quite a while to come in and by the time it did her latch sucked and she was used to bottles.  Makes me sad to not nurse her but she's getting about 3 breastmilk bottles from me a day and hopefully that will increase soon but I'm happy with it for now).  Then I sit on the couch, watch some TV, hold her, catch up on FB/emails, go wash all the bottle and pumping paraphernalia and get ready for another feeding round.  Do another feeding, and start the cycle all over again.  Usually towards the end of the day (4-5pm, before Brad gets home) I'll straighten the house up a little and catch up on dishes, make the bed, laundry, etc.  But that's not everyday and definitely didn't start happening until the last couple days!  

So basically my day is consumed with Hadley, and I love it.  I told Brad today that by the end of this week I'd like to get us onto a bit more of a schedule so we're not waking up at any hour and going to bed at any hour, but for now, it's been so great just getting to know my girl and even though most of my time is spent watching her sleep and feeding her, I literally love nothing more than just sitting with her and holding her and staring at her.  

Onto some pictures!  

Just in the last day or two she's started to mayyybe smile if you baby talk her.  Yesterday I was talking to her and she got this ridiculously happy little face and I seriously could almost vomit at how much this much just KILLS me and how I want to kiss her face off when I look at it.  

Our little breech baby!  Sometimes she will get in this position and it just cracks us up

It almost breaks my heart to look at this picture for two reasons, one being that she was jaundiced in this picture :(  She never had it bad enough to go under the bili blanket, but you could definitely see it in her skin.  Secondly, she already seems so much bigger now than she was in this picture...

Hadley and Daddy - we were at the hospital for a weight/jaundice check.  She's such a little bug.  

Part 2 to the first picture - I just love her skinny little neck and baby gums and UGH, makes me want to pull her out of her bouncy chair and kiss her right now!  

Last night this is how I found them - obviously both were very comfortable :)

So sweet.  Her umbilical cord fell off yesterday!  

I know one day she will be almost as big as this chair and I'm sure I will cry many tears when that day comes...so I'm taking lots of pictures of her in there now to be reminded at just how tiny she is!

The Big Arrival

Hard to believe my peanut's big arrival was a week ago now!

As with any story this could get long winded, and I actually had already written it and got halfway through and deleted it all because it just got boring...full of details that only I care about got bored re-reading, ha!  So here's the condensed version -

I had written on here last Friday that I just hadn't felt well all day - my back hurt, I just felt icky, but figured it was the way I had slept or that maybe I was even coming down with a little bug.  I had taken a couple baths that day to ease the pain in my back, took Tylenol, rested a lot, and nothing really seemed to help much.  On Friday evening Brad and I headed over to his parents house because he had some family in town, and I was glad for the distraction from my discomfort.  But once we got there I started feeling increasingly worse, and no matter how I sat, I couldn't get comfortable.  Around 11pm I told Brad I was definitely ready to go, and walking to the car I noticed how the pain I was feeling seemed to be coming in waves.  I mentioned it to him and he got the "deer in headlights" look and asked if I thought I was in labor.  I was certain I wasn't and that what I was feeling was just your typical end-of-pregnancy discomfort.

However, once we got home and sat down on the couch, I couldn't deny that I was feeling contractions.  I decided to take my 3rd bath of the day and start timing them, and I was slightly alarmed to see that they were coming at 3 minutes apart and lasting for 55 seconds to a minute.  I called L&D at our hospital and asked them if I should come in, and the nurse asked me how much water I had drank that day.  I said 2 glasses (yeah, I suck) and she quickly told me that I was just having dehydration contractions and to drink 2 or 3 liters of water, and that should clear it up (afterwards I wondered what planet she was on, hello, I was 39 weeks pregnant!)  But she said if they didn't clear up then to call back.

I drank and drank water until I couldn't drink anymore, and yet the contractions continued.  Around 12:30 I woke Brad up and made him sit up with me - even though they weren't going away and were so close together, I was pretty certain that they were going to fade off and all would be fine.

But then they didn't go away, and finally around 1:30am I called L&D back and said we were coming in.  At that point I still wasn't convinced this was it (still not sure why) but I figured that if it WAS labor, that I didn't want to wait until it was too late and then have to do this crazy emergency C-Section.

So we get to the hospital - and sit through registering, which really ticked me off cause I asked numerous times if I would have to go through it if I was in labor and they said no - and the nurse hooks me up to the monitor.  Hadley's heart rate was around 180, which freaked me out, but the nurse said that it was common when women were in labor for the baby's heart rate to be high.  She let me sit on the monitor for about 30 minutes and then did my internal exam.....which brought the HUGE surprise that after having contractions for about 3 hours, I was dilated to 5 centimeters.  At that point she announced we would be having a baby that morning!

Funny side note - because I didn't think I was really in labor, all I took to the hospital was my wallet.  And then once we got there and found out that we were having the baby and wouldn't be leaving, BOTH of our cell phones were dead and we had one - ONE - family member's number memorized and her phone was off.  Figures!  So while I was getting prepped for surgery Brad was out sitting in the car trying to get a phone to charge to let people know we were in labor.  Note to anyone who reads this - it's probably common sense but definitely take EVERYTHING you need with you if you go to the hospital for suspected labor!  We actually don't live far from home so for Brad to come back it wasn't an issue, but still.

So after that they did the surgery and we got to meet our baby girl and honestly, the first day felt like an eternity to me, yet seemed to be a bit of a blur.  I guess that's cause I had labored through the night and they did the surgery around 4am, and during the day I didn't get any sleep cause, hello, I had a new baby girl to stare at all day long.

The recovery from the surgery has honestly been far easier than I ever thought it would be.  I read so many articles online about having a C Section because I always want to know what I'm going into, and seriously, the things people had to say had me freaked out to the point that I had to quit reading.  But having a C Section truly could not have been easier.  Obviously it's still a major surgery and even today - a week later - I have pain from my incision.  But after the first couple days I was up moving around easily and being home has been pretty easy, as well.  It's a pain to not drive, but honestly, where would I go??  So it hasn't been that difficult.  Brad and I also went out to dinner last night (we sat outside to keep Hadley from any inside germies and curious hands) and so overall, while I do hope that my next delivery can be vaginal, I would definitely not be torn up about having to have another C Section.

This week I've just enjoyed being a momma.  There's literally no words to express the incredible, deep, consuming, fierce love that you feel for your baby.  It's scary to me at times how much love I feel for her.  She's a super content, sweet baby that rarely cries and when she does she's easy to calm down.  Her little breech legs might be one of my favorite things about her - they're so long and delicate and she'll get herself into these positions that Brad and I just laugh at because they're so sweet.  She loves to  stretch them out straight, and when we swaddle her sometimes her little feet will poke out the top of the blanket cause that's where she likes them :)

So needless to say, this new chapter of life is such a sweet blessing and I am loving every single minute of it!

Introducing....

Hadley Kate

Born August 18th, 2012 at 4:20am

7lbs, 8oz

19 1/2 inches

Birth story to come...but in the meantime, we are happy, healthy and SO in love with her.

Nursery sneak peek

Just 3 days until Baby Girl makes her big debut!  And believe me when I say, if there were ever a day that I anticipated her arrival, it would be today.  I've been SO fortunate to feel so good during this pregnancy, and I honestly haven't had any issues with sleeping at all....until last night.  It was just one of those nights that I couldn't get comfortable to save my life, so my sweet husband had to do some major back rubbing this morning before he ran out the door for work.  I took a bath this morning and popped 2 Extra Strength Tylenol, which I don't think I've taken any of that since the early 2nd trimester for those ridiculous headaches.  But I'm feeling better now, thankfully.  

In other exciting news, the nursery is about 95% done!  I have a couple prints that I'm waiting to come in from Etsy to hang over the crib, also waiting on a crib skirt, and I'd like to get a monogrammed blanket to throw over the back of the rocker we bought.  I also bought her first monogrammed item....

A bath towel!  It will have her name on the hood, and I am SO excited.  Anyway, the nursery.  Here's a little pic....

The changing table was built by Brad, as was the crib, but I'm still waiting on the crib skirt so I'm not sharing that photo yet :)  And on the opposite wall is a gold glitter letter with the first initial of her name...which we'll share when she's born!  [But if I showed it all my friends that read my blog would know since we've discussed our two options!]  

My "vision" for the nursery was pink and gold and off white.  I just wanted it to be a room that I would love to rock her in, and that was a little different from my typical taste (pink is so not me), but that still reflected my decorating themes (I am all about the neutral, off-white shades).  The sign over the changing table says - 

"A baby girl, one of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter and happiness in our world today"

I tear up every single time I read it!  That was a gift from my mother in law.  The crates in the changing table are from Target and are called their Farm Crates.  The little squares over the rocker are just bulletin boards that I covered with a linen fabric and used nail head trim for accents.  I figure we can use these little boards to put pictures or cards on.  The rocker is from WalMart and I'm pretty sure I've decided I'm not too impressed with it (I have spent a good 2 hours trying to steam the wrinkles out of that dang slipcover and they are NOT coming out), but I'm not a fan of the traditional gliders and I definitely wasn't spending more than a couple hundred on an armchair.  

SO - everything is ready!  The house is clean, I've got her little Rock N Play Sleeper set up next to the bed, little baskets of diaper changing supplies in our bedroom and the living room, a couple meals in the freezer plus snacks for Brad for next week, the dog is set up for a grooming appointment the day before we get home, and most of all, this momma has some empty arms that are ready to love on a sweet little peanut!  

38 weeks (AKA my LAST update!)

How far along?  38 weeks, 4 days.  This is my last update because I will be having this baby girl at 39 weeks!

Size of the baby? The size of a pumpkin!  At my ultrasound last week I found out her estimated weight was 6lbs, 12 oz, + - 1lb.  I'm not gonna lie, since I've been shoved into the "necessary c-section" category I'm hoping she's a BIG baby.  I hear they sleep and eat better.   

Stretch marks? Still none.  Holding my breath.

Sleep? Starting to get a little uncomfortable.  It's just hard to find a position that is comfortable.  I mean, I can get decently comfortable but I inevitably wake up with extreme pain in my shoulder from laying on it, or my wrists will be aching.  Getting in and out of bed is always uncomfortable, and during the last week I've been waking up around 4:30 or 5am just wishing it was morning because I'm tired of sleeping uncomfortably.

Best Moment of the Week?  Seeing her on the ultrasound (again).  This time they pulled her measurements because I wanted to know what she weighed and according to the tech and my doctor, her growth has been perfect since 20 weeks.  AND we also got my c-section scheduled for next Tuesday the 21st!  So while I'm not so excited for the actual surgery, I'm SO excited to finally know when we're going to meet her!

Movement?  It's sporadic.  Probably the least favorite part of pregnancy right now, although when she does move a lot it's uncomfortable. I also measured a 1/2 inch behind yesterday at my appointment from where I was 4 days prior, which means that she dropped a bit, and babies definitely move less when they start dropping. The other morning she wasn't moving at all and I was starting to get nervous and mentioned it to Brad.  Of course he's like, "She's fine!" and sure enough, within a couple hours she was moving up a storm.  

Symptoms? Same as last week - swelling, tiredness, sore wrists/forearms.  But honestly, I'm still feeling great.  Maybe this is the Lord's way of balancing the table since afterwards I probably won't feel so great and active :)

Cravings?  Anything sweet, as usual.  I had a salad at a restaurant here in town last week and ever since I've been dreaming about it.  Hoping to have it for lunch again today!  

Labor Signs?  None, really.  Part of me would like to know what a  contraction feels like but my doctor was saying to be thankful for the fact that I haven't been having the false contractions.  Sounds like they really miss with your mind if you're ready to have the baby and you're having contractions, but they're not actual labor contractions.   

What will I miss? I changed this question cause I want to remember the things about pregnancy that I will miss!  Seems like you get to this point and you can't think of too many things that you'll miss.  I know for sure that the biggest thing I will miss is feeling her movement in my belly.  It's caused me some grief at times but honestly, she's always been a really good mover and there's just something so sweet about those first movements, and then the ones towards the end that are much more defined, like feeling a foot/knee/elbow (something hard and round) come to the surface and stick out from your side.  Or even when she gets the hiccups - inwardly I always grit my teeth when she has them cause they drive me crazy but I know I will miss them one day.

What I'm looking forward to? Meeting her and holding her.  That's all.

Stubborn Girl

Stubborn meaning that her little head is still snugly lodged right up under my ribs and her butt still hanging out by my cervix.  So that's that.  I had the ultrasound yesterday to confirm and while that was a bummer to hear, I wasn't completely surprised by it.  At this point it would be incredibly obvious if she were to turn her entire body upside down, and I never felt any crazy movements.  
I don't think I posted it on here, but Brad and I decided to take a more "hands off" approach.  I had made an appointment with a chiropractor that specialized in the Webster technique (helps babies to turn), had spent a couple days doing nutty Spinning Babies positions, sat with a bag of frozen fruit on the top of my belly (which funnily enough did cause her head to move to the side of my belly).  But after having a talk with Brad about it, he suggested that we just leave it up to her to decide if she wanted to turn, and to trust God to turn her if that was the right thing.  
I honestly felt SO much peace in that.  Yes, it meant that very likely I would be stuck with having a 
C-Section.  But on the other hand, when I was doing all these goofy things to get her to turn I always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, what if she's in that position for a reason?  What are you messing with by trying to get her to turn?  
So I left it alone and yesterday found out that she was still in the same position, so this coming Monday I'll be meeting with my doctor to schedule the C-Section and go over the million questions I have.

I'm not excited about having a C-Section, not at all.  But I don't feel afraid, either, and I'm thankful for that.  Part of me LOVES, LOVES, LOVES that there's no surprises involved here and that I get to choose her birthday!  And then the other part of me obviously worries for how it will all go.  Mainly, will I be too put out from the surgery to take care of her once we get her home?  That's probably my biggest fear right now.  
I've had the thought cross my mind, if I can't hold her right away is that going to affect our bond forever?  I've heard a number of women tell me that.  But if I let myself be fearful of that then I start becoming fearful and upset about having to birth her this way, and I don't get a choice in the matter - she HAS to come out this way if she's breech.  And I'm also choosing to trust that God knows that I already love this baby more than anything and that a bond can't be made or broken by who gets to hold her first.  I have absolutely every intention of being selfish and begging my doctor to let me hold her right after the delivery but if Brad gets to hold her first, then I will just be thankful that we've got this healthy baby here that I got the privilege of carrying for 10 months, and it's okay that he gets to have her in his arms first!  I just don't believe that you can literally support a baby's life inside of you for almost a year and then not be bonded to that baby cause you didn't hold it right away.  
I've learned that pregnancy really comes down to your attitude.  I'm not saying that I've had the perfect attitude about things because God knows I have complained a TON about this or that.  But I can truly say that I never took a thing for granted with this pregnancy because I've always remembered the women that try for years and years and years to get pregnant and they can't.  Those women would deliver upside down in a tree with someone cutting their belly with a butter knife if it meant they could have a baby!  And so for whatever reason, even though I never struggled with infertility, I always was able to keep the thought at the front of my mind that the END GOAL was always this baby girl.  Just her.  It was never the perfect pregnancy, or gaining only 35lbs (which I'm well above that, ha), or having any kind of delivery a certain way.  It's always been to bring this baby home safe and healthy.  
So on that note, I found out yesterday that she's a healthy and robust 6lbs, 12oz, give or take a pound.  Who knows how true that is but I'm excited to see what she comes out weighing!  She's measuring perfectly and her growth was perfect across the board.  Breech or head-down...that was all I needed to hear!

37 Weeks

Sorry.  These pictures just truly suck.

How far along?  37 weeks, 5 days 

Size of the baby? The size of a winter melon?  I am SO curious to know how much she weighs!    

Maternity Clothes? Yes and I'm literally wearing the same thing every.single.day and can't wait to have this baby and lose a few pounds so I can have some different clothing options!

Stretch marks? No, thankfully! Although I'm staying cautious, I know they can show up anytime...

Sleep? It's alright.  I sleep good, it's when I wake up that I notice how I'm maybe not sleeping as good as I think I am.  I've had terrible, awful tendonitis during this pregnancy, especially the last few weeks, so I've started sleeping in wrist braces to keep my hands and wrists from being SO sore that I literally cannot move them. And I'm up about 2 or 3 times a night to relieve my bladder....

Best Moment of the Week?  Definitely seeing the baby on ultrasound last week.  Even though we hardly got to see her at all cause the poor thing just has NO room, it was still so sweet to see her little face and body.  I have another one tomorrow and I'm excited to see her again!

Movement?  It's starting to slow down.  She definitely moves enough that I'm never paranoid, but it's a noticeable difference from even a week ago.  Speaking of movement and moving her butt in the other direction, I'm fairly certain she's still head-up since I haven't felt any ridiculously crazy movement.  And there's still a hard ball at the top of my belly.  And I'm feeling hiccups in the exact place I felt them prior to the ultrasound.  So...not looking good on the turning front

Symptoms? Swelling.  Tiredness.  Tendonitis.  But honestly, I feel really dang good.  Sometimes I want to remind my husband, "I AM 37 weeks pregnant, you know..."  He truly doesn't expect anything of me but sometimes I wish he'd be more like, "Oh, you're pregnant!  Don't worry about dinner!" or "You're 37 weeks pregnant, don't worry about laundry" but...he has not and I've kept up with it all fairly easily so I guess that's how it will go until I decide I can't or won't anymore :) However, I DO remind him frequently of the rude awakening that's coming in just a couple weeks, haha.

Cravings?  This last week I wanted mostaciolli pasta with sausage SO BAD.  And so I made it and it was amazing.  So good I think I'm going to make some more and have it frozen for after she gets here

Labor Signs?  None, but that's good.  I've decided that if I'm going to have to have a C-Section (which is yet to be determined but is looking favorable) that I want it as planned as possible, so I'm really hoping to NOT have any labor signs!  But I've had lots of Braxton Hicks - lots and lots of them.  Some lower back cramps and general achiness in my lower abdomen.  

What do I miss? Not missing anything...at this point, looking forward to all the things I've not had for the last 9 months!  WINE.  And a margarita.  I've had a little bit of wine here and there or a sip of Brad's beer but I've refused anything with hard alcohol in it.  Looking forward to a big 'ol margarita or mojito!  (I am planning to BF so I realize this may not happen for a little while...but humor me)

What I'm looking forward to? The ultrasound tomorrow to see baby girl's position.  Also looking forward to Hubs bringing the crib home (he's all done!  it just needs to be painted now...with our million dollar VOC free paint that almost made me throw up at how expensive it was), and also putting our nursery chair together.  After that her room will be DONE!  

drama in the belly

This past Thursday I was 36 weeks, 6 days and had my very first cervical exam - exciting!  I had been taking Evening Primrose Oil, walking every night and sitting on an exercise ball to help "open things up" down there.  My doctor first did the Strep B test, no big deal, and then she did my exam.  She told me I was 1.5cm dilated (1.5 cause she said I had "wiggle room") and 50% effaced.  Very nice, I will take it!  
After she got done she was pressing on my belly and I think I was too excited to really pay much attention to what she was saying.  We listened to the heartbeat (144, perfect) and as she was pulling me up I asked if the baby was head down.  She said something like, she thought she was but she didn't get to feel the baby's suture lines (which evidently are the bones on the top of their skull) when she was doing the external exam, so why don't I go for an ultrasound to make sure she's head down?  
Ultrasounds always freak me out, for some reason, so I left the appointment thinking that there was something wrong and my baby obviously didn't have suture lines on its head.  Didn't even entertain the thought that she didn't feel them because there wasn't a head down there....
So the following day Brad and I go to the ultrasound, and I kid you not, I was SO SHOCKED when the second the girl put the wand on my belly and said, "Yep, she's head up."  
So I have a breech baby.  At 37 weeks.  
My doctor called me about an hour later and discussed my options.  She said I could go up to Duluth and have an ECV done, which is where doctors try to turn the baby from the outside.  I would have to get a shot to relax my uterus, they would have me all hooked up to fetal monitors because it can be stressful on the baby, and there's only a 58% chance that it would be effective.  Not to mention that the baby could still turn back around to the breech position.  So I declined that and told her I would explore other options, and to go ahead and schedule me for an ultrasound for next Thursday (Aug 9) to check on the baby's position then.  If she's still not head down, then we will go from there.
I spent some time doing some research on getting a breech baby to turn, and thanks to the direction of a friend I was able to find a chiropractor about an hour away that specializes in something called the Webster Technique, which is a non-invasive, gentle procedure that has an 85% success rate on getting a baby to turn. Basically the chiropractor adjusts your pelvis while you're on your belly to open it up and give the baby more room to turn.  That's definitely my big "plan of attack" right now.  
I've also been doing Inversions, found on the Spinning Babies website, along with the Breech Tilt.  Both of these positions basically get your head down and your belly up in the air to encourage the baby to turn.  
If she still hasn't turned by next week, when I'm 38 weeks, I was planning to go ahead and do the C-Section at 39 weeks.  However, I've decided now to wait another week - until 39 weeks - to see if she will turn on her own.  If she hasn't turned by then I will hopefully be able to get in soon for a C-Section.  (For some reason I would really like to have her at 39 weeks!  Actually, I'd prefer to have her at 38 weeks but I know that's not the best thing for her).  
Crossing our fingers she gets the memo and flips around ASAP!!  (And stays that way, haha)


Oh - and here's a picture of her face that the tech was able to pull.  We couldn't see hardly anything cause there's just no room in there anymore.  As you can see, I used my great editing skills to label where things were cause otherwise it just looks like a gray and white blob :)


By the way - I'm so puzzled over her fat little nose!  I'm assuming her nose is not really that fat.  Or maybe it is and she's just all swollen from being cramped up in there?  Or its the sound waves creating weird lines?  Or...maybe she just has a fat little nose :)